Relapse.

Today was rough.

I started by waking up around 9:30 and feeling like the lowest piece of shit on the planet. I stared at the ceiling for a good while, contemplating what to do with myself.

I hadn't cut myself in two years, but I relapsed today. Why? I felt as if no one understood me anymore and I was alone. Shitty reason? Maybe. 

I saw my mental health worker in the afternoon, and I basically cried my heart out for about 45 minutes. Talk about embarrassing and pathetic... 

She said if I feel I can't cope, go to the hospital, but I don't want to burden anyone. Besides, I'm getting a little better. The worst part is I can't tell my Aunt, who happens to be my biggest support, due to the fact her sister is in critical care at another hospital. I can't tell my Dad everything, 'cause he doesn't understand mental health as well as my Aunt does.

Eh... I just feel very... idk. Worthless?? In my journal I wrote I felt like a worthless piece of shit and I still feel that way to be honest. 

I don't understand why so much bad stuff happens to good people. Why couldn't it happen to me? I'm younger, I could deal with it better...

No point in wondering why the higher powers like to do this. Maybe they have a plan for me? Or Mom's begging them to let me live. I have no idea.

My cut stings. 

I hope tomorrow is a better day. And if not... Well, I guess I'll be burdening people all over again.

Stupid. Just fucking stupid.